Christ. Children. Constructivism.

Our Christian Montessori conversation could start here. Grab a cup of coffee or chai tea and settle in for a connection about things that matter most. Here is where you will be comforted that you are not alone.

Letting Go

I had a hard time letting go of him, but time was against me and my flight was scheduled to leave soon.  He was now taller than me by almost one foot and had to stoop to get near me.  “Love you,” we echoed to each other. I stood on Florida’s International Airport curb as he drove off in the family car, now his, towards his new home, 1,582 miles away from mine.  It was hard to believe Brock was all grown up and starting his post-high school journey.  Wasn’t he just the baby boy sitting on my lap when God whispered “Home School Academy?”
As I boarded the plane, sat down in the awkward middle seat, and fastened my safety-belt as directed, the tears started chasing each other down my face until things were blurry. Not just my vision but my vision. Now that my inspiration was all grown up and gone would I have any passion to continue?  What does a mother do when there isn’t daily mothering? Was I good for anything anymore? Did anyone else have these same thoughts or was the only one? I felt like the loneliest mother ever.
For me, somewhere in the clouds over southeastern part of the United States at 39,000 feet cruising altitude, I wanted to be reassured that I was not alone.  The thought then came to me that this is where a “blog” is born.  Born out of the need to be understood and to understand and to have a conversation.  To share an idea and allow someone to respond.  C.S. Lewis said “we read to know we are not alone” and I would agree that we blog for the same reason.
Just to be clear, thoughts of starting a blog were not coming from place of being the expert, no, just the opposite.  The blog was not about having something well written or being a witty word-smith. I have none of that to offer.  I only have a mother’s heart, which is trying desperately to do this thing right.  I had played Sara Groves’ Station Wagon CD a bazillion times and know that it is not about what we are teaching our children but what they are teaching us. I was simply trying to slow down the ride and enjoy the view.
Brock and I
just saying”hello”

I know you’re just a baby sleeping in your bed
And you probably have other thoughts drifting through your head I know this conversation’s a little premature
It’s just that I’ve heard eighteen years goes by like a blur
(Sara Groves)
Brock and I on the beach
 just hours before
I had to say “good-bye”

Hand In Hand was born while holding Brock as a baby in my arms, and now its blog, with a place to continue the conversation, was re-born as I was holding Brock in my heart. And so, here we are today at the beginning of something new.  I hope you will join me as we discuss ideas swirling around in my head about saying goodbye to a college-age kid (and hello again next summer); creating a peaceful place with siblings; homeschooling to the max; and yes, of course, Christian Montessori and all its unique features. I hope you will join me in this on-going conversation. 

My mom, Mrs. Lee, always said that you can give a child two things: roots and wings. 
I really hope that Brock spreads his wings, flies well,
and comes home, too.
Free to fly free to go free to come back home…

Click here to have your heart warmed by Sara Groves’ “Small Piece of You”



One thought on “Letting Go

  1. I understand your heart completely Michelle. A few years ago I began to think about my boys and the fact that they were becoming more independent and in a matter of a few years my oldest would be graduating. Being a wife and mother has been the most satisfying and rewarding experience of my life. I have treasured every joy and every sorrow and have been fascinated and thrilled to watch them grow and mature. I thought to myself, I don't want my mothering to end! What will I do? They won't need me anymore!
    It was a process, but as I cried out to the Lord, talked with friends who were ahead of me in parenting and read numerous books, God began to reveal that my Mothering will never end, it just will take on a new look.
    First, I needed to examine where was I looking in the first place? Where was my identity? Was I basing who I was on my family alone? I had other ministries, but my identity couldn't come from them either. I need to check my heart and find my identity in Christ alone.
    Secondly, I learned that I needed to look at my actions and step back and let my boys do more for themselves. They still needed me, just in a different way. Rather then be a "doer", I became more of a "listener". I have always listened to my boys, but now that I am not with them as much, I needed to be purposeful in how I would listen because of the unique communication style of each boy.
    Thirdly, I looked at where I was investing my time. I found new areas of ministry that I could be a part of since my school volunteer commitments had changes and I wasn't the taxi driver the majority of each day.
    Fourth, and I don't mean to make this the last, as it is so important, I looked at my prayer time for my boys. I had always prayed for them and with them through all situations over the years, but I decided to take the extra time I had since I wasn't "doing" as much and fill that slot with prayer. I know this part of Mothering will be needed where ever my boys are living.
    Letting go isn't easy. It never will be. We just need to remember our Mothering doesn't end, it just takes on a different look.


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